Spectrum
by mspauzo
Summary: Juvia's struggle for inner peace.


**This one definitely came off the top of my head. I absolutely had to get it down before I forgot. You could say it's about Juvia's quest for solitude and inner peace. She appears quite OOC in this story, mainly because her character changes A LOT, due to what happens in the fic. Just a warning, this is how I update; *sits down to write story* "Mebby later." *opens up Skyrim* "That's more like it!"**

**Inspiration: Spectrum (Say My Name) Florence + The Machine**

**Disclaimer: NaLu doesn't exist, LaxAna doesn't, and neither does MiFri. I don't own Fairy Tail.**

**(**_**Spectrum)**_

_**Prologue**_

"_Juvia is hated. No one likes Juvia. Juvia is disgusting. Juvia goes against the laws of nature. Why should Juvia keep living? Why should Juvia stay? Maybe Juvia should leave. Yes. Perhaps Juvia should. Everyone Hates Juvia anyway. It would make sense. Why would anyone want a 'rain woman' around anyway? Especially Gray-sama. He hates Juvia the most." _

These were the thoughts swimming through Juvia's head when she saw Gray. In the middle of town. Holding hands with some girl. And it wasn't her. It wasn't even anyone from the guild. From Fairy Tail at all. But she knew where she knew where had seen the girl before. A bookstore, somewhere in South Magnolia. The… girl, she was perfect in Juvia's eyes. Brown hair, falling in wavy ringlets down her shoulders. Her eyes; a bright vivid green, seemingly mesmerising you. How on Earthland could she compare to that? Tears rolled down Juvia's face. She wasn't the one, huh? Clouds rolled in and the air became heavy. It started raining then. Her hair became plastered to her forhead, and rain droplets dripped down her face. Then realisation dawned on Juvia's cracked, and broken mind. Gray had never had any interest at all. He never noticed her, or cared about her. She was nakama to him; that was all. Nothing special. Nothing more than that. And she hated it. She hated it with every ounce of her being. She felt like unleashing her rage right there and then, destroying Magnolia and taking revenge on this girl; and Gray. But no, Juvia held it in and kept her thoughts in order. She stood there, rooted to the spot; waiting for the wave of utter destruction and hatred to pass over her and leave. It did. She waited to be absolutely sure that she wasn't going to move. And with that, she held her umbrella high and walked out of there.

_When we first came here,  
We were cold and we were clear,  
With no colours on our skin,  
We were light and paper-thin__  
_

Juvia remembered when she came to Fairy Tail. After her previous life had been practically destroyed, and snatched away from her. She felt paper-thin, as if something could rip her apart at any given moment. Her personality; cold and blunt. She hardly opened up to anyone; except Gray.

_And when we first came here,  
We were cold and we were clear,  
With no colours on our skin,  
'Till you let the spectrum in_

She was cold, like a walking time bomb; until she let him in. Gray was like her walking, talking sunshine. He was practically her emotional support. If he left, she would snap. Juvia would scream, cry and shout, 'till she would eventually cry herself to sleep, and endure the nightmares of loneliness. Of course, none of the guild members ever knew this. They thought Juvia was fine, her Phantom Lord days far behind her and that girl was long gone and dead. Oh how wrong they were. The messed up girl behind the walls; the barrier up around her feelings hid her true self, and how she felt.

_Say my name,  
And every colour illuminates,  
We are shining,  
And we'll never be afraid again_

…But she got better. She healed. Got her priorities in order… And wasn't _entirely_ dependent on Gray. Juvia learnt to love other things. Her attachment to the guild grew, and she made friends. Juvia's relationship with Lisanna and Lucy (Lucy especially) improved immensely. She felt amazing. Like Juvia; the dark, cold 'rain woman' had found a place to call… _home._

_Say my name!  
As every colour illuminates!  
We are shining!  
And we'll never be afraid again!  
Say my name!  
As every colour illuminates!  
We are shining!  
And we'll never be afraid again_!

Juvia was shining. She wasn't afraid. Her eyes sparkled. She practically skipped everywhere she went. It was bliss. Pure gold. Her happiness was impenetrable. She had caged the thoughts before this happier, more bubbly Juvia. But every cage has a key.

_And when we come for you,  
We'll be dressed up all in blue,  
With the ocean in our arms,  
Kissing eyes and kissing palms._

Her feelings for Gray never disappeared. They were merely gagged, tied up and thrown in the back of a cell. But if you were gagged, and tied up, you'd protest wouldn't you? Exactly. Juvia's feeling protested and… broke free. They were always there; at the back of her mind. Eventually the emotions took on a… voice. I guess you could say they took on a form in the dark, and miserable corners of her mind. Egging her on and telling her to make… unwanted advances. There were moments when the voice told her to get rid of certain… _obstacles._ These were the times when she would lock herself up in the bathroom, and let a razor glide over her skin, allowing her screams to echo of the walls again and again. You would always hear the banging of Juvia ramming her head against the wall repeatedly; trying to get the voice to shut the _fuck_ up.

_And when it's time to pray,  
We'll be dressed up all in grey,  
With metal on our tongues,  
And silver in our lungs._

And it got so much worse. She would see things. Moving around her. They would try to touch Juvia. Sometimes she would literally feel them touching her, and abusing her. There was never any physical proof that the… manifestations had been there, but she always knew. Inside her head she knew. Juvia was scared. Sometimes she wouldn't even leave her bed, just lying there; trembling and shaking with fear. And she prayed every day, to whatever god was out there (if there was a god) that they would end her fear, her troubles and… her feelings towards Gray. Nothing happened. Nothing at all.

Eventually it got to the point the point where she just couldn't take it. The voices… 'the form' was so loud; and it was getting louder. She distanced herself entirely from the guild, shutting them out completely. Juvia would merely sit in her shower for long periods of time, water washing over her; attempting to drown out the voices.

Juvia tried everything she could. All her attempts were in vain. She was insane. Completely… wrong. She wasn't right on the inside. Juvia finally admitted it to herself. She wasn't right. Gray was the last straw. And that was it. Juvia had made her decision.

Juvia was leaving.

**THAT WAS SO EXTEMELY DIFFICULT. Just feel so egdegdffgrfdgeafvht about this chapter. It's short I know, but it's only the prologue. Plenty left to go! And also; quality over length ^_^ I hope you liked :D Review please! Your reviews really do make me go faster.**


End file.
